25 Reasons to Buy The Unauthorized Biography of Michele Bachmann
by Ken Brosky
1. The short stories have been published. In literary journals. So you know they're good.
2. Need more evidence? Here are a few reviews from Newpages.com. One story was called "Amazing." Could be the highlight of my life.
3. OK, so you don't trust reviews. Fine. I can deal. Tell you what: you don't like the collection, I'll refund your money. Just email me.
4. It's only $3.99. For 11 short stories! Charles Baxter is rolling in his grave. He's not dead yet, but he has a grave ...
5. I'm huge in Europe. Well, not really, but one of my short stories did get a good review from a magazine across the pond.
6. You're supporting a local author.
7. I donate blood because I'm O-positive. If you don't buy my collection, I'll stop.
8. Just kidding.
9. One of the stories in the collection won an award in Vital Source Magazine's fiction contest.
10. Another of the stories won a Finalist award in Glimmer Train Magazine.
11. I voted for Barack Obama.
12. I also voted for John McCain just to hedge my bets.
13. One of the stories is about phone hackers.
14. Another story is about a guy writing a biography of Michelle Bachmann. Exciting!
15. You can print out your receipt for the purchase, flip it over, and use it for scratch paper.
16. Here's a link to a great book just for reading so far. And it's free!
17. JUST BUY IT ALREADY. I'M NOT YELLING BUT CAPITAL LETTERS SEEM LIKE IT.
18. There are way fewer characters to memorize than in George Martin's Dance of Dragons.
19. No vampires in any of the stories.
20. There's an essay in the collection, too. Did I mention that? It was published in Cream City Review.
21. Reading makes you smarter by exercising your brain.
22. Stephen King is literally just punching the keyboard and publishing the resulting mess. And his books are more expensive.
23. The book is formatted well. Better than a lot of Kindle books, in fact.
24. God, I'm so close. I can't believe I'm almost there.
25. I made it!